Listen up, mommies and daddies! For years you’ve been perfecting this parenting thing, getting in the groove with cool stuff to do to entertain and hopefully enlighten your offspring. You’ve scoured the magazines and events calendars for ways to occupy their idle time, but not too much because of course you know that idle time is important to their developing creativity and self-sufficiency. You finally feel confident in your role as a wise and nurturing parent.
And then, Ka-Blam! Suddenly they’re adolescents and the rules change. On the positive side, you don’t have to go to any more Disney movies. But on the down side… well, what do you do when they’re too old for the children’s museum and too young to get a job? The middle school mystery has been looming ever larger in our family this year, particularly over school vacations. An eighth-grader and a fifth-grader just don’t want to do kids activities any more – especially the eighth-grader.
Early adolescence is a conundrum, perhaps best summed up in the title of Anthony Wolf’s classic guide to parenting teens, “Get Out of my Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?” Community recreation departments and cultural organizations have largely ceded this age group to the schools. But not every child wants to or has the opportunity to be in a club or on a team. Middle schoolers crave their peers’ companionship, but it’s hard to find space for them to connect with each other while still being connected, even if less intensely, with the adults in their lives.
So it’s time to sit back and enjoy exploring this new territory. The middle school years are a wonderful time to watch your children develop as individuals. Sometimes that means just letting them figure out for themselves what to do with their free time.
You still have several years before your kids give you the pink slip as parent-in-chief. But your job will change, and it might not be a bad time to start adapting your repertoire. Time to start taking the kids to PG-13 movies that you want to see; to invite kids into your activities and interests; to reclaim a bit of your own life! They might not want to come along, but that’s OK too: You don’t need to get a sitter anymore.
Showing posts with label CVM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label CVM. Show all posts
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Saturday, December 29, 2007
If it’s blogged, is it news?
Recently I had the privilege of covering the Massachusetts Conference for Women as a reporter for Bay State Parent magazine. Over 5,000 women filled the new Boston Convention Center to hear from such luminaries as Washington Post journalist Anna Quindlen, former CBS News anchor René Syler, and business gurus Jack and Suzy Welch, as well as a host of other speakers with useful insights on a range of issues affecting women. You’ll be reading some of the highlights in upcoming magazine issues, from managing your money to juggling work and family while remaining relatively sane.
As I checked in at the press room to receive credentials and program information, I casually glanced at the list of who else from the media was registered. Names from the Boston Globe, Herald, and other print media surprisingly didn’t jump out at me. What did was the number of bloggers.
Somehow over the past few years, everyone’s a blogger and bloggers have become journalists. I’m not sure that’s a great thing. Don’t get me wrong: I’m no Luddite decrying new technology. Blogging brings grassroots views and essays to wide – but segmented – audiences, and that’s all good for democracy and for creative outlets. Blogs can provide on-the-spot commentary and current resource information like recall lists and calendar events. And blogs provide a way for the public to interact directly with the media.
But are blogs reliable news sources, with the kind of broad-based reach that provides a common ground for understanding and discussion?
I feel reassured knowing that there’s an editor looking over an article to review for basic things like accuracy, not to mention spelling and grammar. I’ve read many well-written blogs (hopefully you think Bay State Parent’s fits that category), but there are countless others that are incomprehensible. And although the news media have been rightly accused of bias, news is still supposed to be “just the facts” while opinions go on the editorial page or in columns. Blogs have virtually erased the line between news and opinion: Who’s to say what’s real and what’s my personal perspective? Buyer beware.
Quibbles about truth in journalism aside, the sheer overabundance of blogs means most people won’t read a particular blog. I wasn’t familiar with any of the blogs listed for reporters at the conference, and when I later checked one out, I found it was targeted to the niche market of twentysomething women living in Boston. The blogger may have written beautiful, accurate, insightful prose about the event, and most women in Massachusetts wouldn’t have a clue.
Blogs-as-journalism are here to stay, and just as we can’t turn back the clock to the time before cable TV, when everyone watched one of five channels and Walter Kronkite, Tom Brokaw or Peter Jennings gave us the news, we can’t assume that everyone gets her information from established news-gathering organizations. But I hope that bloggers and blog sites strive to uphold the standards and responsibilities that have been the bedrock of a free press since the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. That would be an information revolution.
As I checked in at the press room to receive credentials and program information, I casually glanced at the list of who else from the media was registered. Names from the Boston Globe, Herald, and other print media surprisingly didn’t jump out at me. What did was the number of bloggers.
Somehow over the past few years, everyone’s a blogger and bloggers have become journalists. I’m not sure that’s a great thing. Don’t get me wrong: I’m no Luddite decrying new technology. Blogging brings grassroots views and essays to wide – but segmented – audiences, and that’s all good for democracy and for creative outlets. Blogs can provide on-the-spot commentary and current resource information like recall lists and calendar events. And blogs provide a way for the public to interact directly with the media.
But are blogs reliable news sources, with the kind of broad-based reach that provides a common ground for understanding and discussion?
I feel reassured knowing that there’s an editor looking over an article to review for basic things like accuracy, not to mention spelling and grammar. I’ve read many well-written blogs (hopefully you think Bay State Parent’s fits that category), but there are countless others that are incomprehensible. And although the news media have been rightly accused of bias, news is still supposed to be “just the facts” while opinions go on the editorial page or in columns. Blogs have virtually erased the line between news and opinion: Who’s to say what’s real and what’s my personal perspective? Buyer beware.
Quibbles about truth in journalism aside, the sheer overabundance of blogs means most people won’t read a particular blog. I wasn’t familiar with any of the blogs listed for reporters at the conference, and when I later checked one out, I found it was targeted to the niche market of twentysomething women living in Boston. The blogger may have written beautiful, accurate, insightful prose about the event, and most women in Massachusetts wouldn’t have a clue.
Blogs-as-journalism are here to stay, and just as we can’t turn back the clock to the time before cable TV, when everyone watched one of five channels and Walter Kronkite, Tom Brokaw or Peter Jennings gave us the news, we can’t assume that everyone gets her information from established news-gathering organizations. But I hope that bloggers and blog sites strive to uphold the standards and responsibilities that have been the bedrock of a free press since the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. That would be an information revolution.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Mind Your eManners
Don’t put anything in writing that you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the Boston Globe, a former colleague of mine once advised. The lesson of “think before you send” is even more important for tweens and teens, now that a large portion of their social communication happens over the Internet.
My 13-year-old daughter and her friends learned that lesson the hard way. Instant messaging, or IM’ing as it's called, was the vehicle by which one girl’s feelings were badly hurt by another who sent an unintentionally harsh message. While the words in the message may have been honest, it was removed from the context, tone of voice and body language that are vital to meaningful communication. How we interact is more than just the facts, ma’am.
Back in the day, it was the occasional typewritten memo unintended for general distribution that got people in hot water. Or the recorded voice mail message that was inadvertently sent to the whole company instead of just the intended recipient.
Now, people can type (or text) and send their message to a recipient – or the world – faster than their better judgment can catch up with them. And once words are on the Internet, they take on a life of their own, which may be permanent. Corporate recruiters and admissions officers routinely peruse an applicant’s cyber life; and those party scenes and banter with friends might be a lot less hilarious to potential employers than to other students.
As parents, we worry about keeping our kids safe from online predators. But we need to emphasize an equally important fact of living in a wired world: Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t say in person – or that you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the Boston Globe.
My 13-year-old daughter and her friends learned that lesson the hard way. Instant messaging, or IM’ing as it's called, was the vehicle by which one girl’s feelings were badly hurt by another who sent an unintentionally harsh message. While the words in the message may have been honest, it was removed from the context, tone of voice and body language that are vital to meaningful communication. How we interact is more than just the facts, ma’am.
Back in the day, it was the occasional typewritten memo unintended for general distribution that got people in hot water. Or the recorded voice mail message that was inadvertently sent to the whole company instead of just the intended recipient.
Now, people can type (or text) and send their message to a recipient – or the world – faster than their better judgment can catch up with them. And once words are on the Internet, they take on a life of their own, which may be permanent. Corporate recruiters and admissions officers routinely peruse an applicant’s cyber life; and those party scenes and banter with friends might be a lot less hilarious to potential employers than to other students.
As parents, we worry about keeping our kids safe from online predators. But we need to emphasize an equally important fact of living in a wired world: Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t say in person – or that you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the Boston Globe.
Thursday, July 5, 2007
Time to Hit the (Rail) Trail!
I’ve hesitated to write about the Cape Cod Rail Trail as a family attraction because it’s been done. A lot.
But at the risk of giving the CCRT just a bit more ink, or pixels, this is not your father’s Rail Trail. On June 21, 2007, the CCRT officially re-opened after two years of long-needed upgrades.
Gone are the roots that ran beneath the 28-year-old path, pushing up asphalt in such tire-tripping configurations that bore nicknames like “the anaconda” and “the rattler.” The roots have been lowered and a root shield placed beneath the surface. Tunnels passing under Routes 6A and 6 have been regraded so the descents aren’t as treacherous. An unpaved shoulder has been added for horseback riding and running. Granite mile markers let you know where you are and how far you’ve gone. Best of all, the 22 miles of trail from South Dennis to Wellfleet have been resurfaced to backside-caressing smoothness.
It is now sheer joy to pedal beside the cranberry bogs of Harwich, the forests of Brewster, the salt marshes of Orleans and Eastham, and up to the National Seashore in South Wellfleet. The Harwich-to-Chatham spur, finished last year, runs along rolling woodland and serene ponds, with easy access to their respective town centers (although it’s best to walk your bike along Chatham’s busy Main Street sidewalks).
I can now say unequivocally, bring the bikes, or rent them from one of several establishments along the way, and hit the Trail.
And if your kids are like mine, they’ll seek destinations like Pleasant Lake General Store (near Mile 5) for ice cream, or the Brewster Express (near Mile 8) for ice cream, or Arnolds (near Mile 17 - pictured above) for… you guessed it, ice cream and a chance to stop, enjoy the scenery and refuel.
Thank you, Mass. Department of Conservation and Recreation. The CCRT upgrade is $6.2 million well spent.
For a map of the CCRT, go to: Cape Cod Rail Trail Map.
But at the risk of giving the CCRT just a bit more ink, or pixels, this is not your father’s Rail Trail. On June 21, 2007, the CCRT officially re-opened after two years of long-needed upgrades.
Gone are the roots that ran beneath the 28-year-old path, pushing up asphalt in such tire-tripping configurations that bore nicknames like “the anaconda” and “the rattler.” The roots have been lowered and a root shield placed beneath the surface. Tunnels passing under Routes 6A and 6 have been regraded so the descents aren’t as treacherous. An unpaved shoulder has been added for horseback riding and running. Granite mile markers let you know where you are and how far you’ve gone. Best of all, the 22 miles of trail from South Dennis to Wellfleet have been resurfaced to backside-caressing smoothness.
It is now sheer joy to pedal beside the cranberry bogs of Harwich, the forests of Brewster, the salt marshes of Orleans and Eastham, and up to the National Seashore in South Wellfleet. The Harwich-to-Chatham spur, finished last year, runs along rolling woodland and serene ponds, with easy access to their respective town centers (although it’s best to walk your bike along Chatham’s busy Main Street sidewalks).
I can now say unequivocally, bring the bikes, or rent them from one of several establishments along the way, and hit the Trail.
And if your kids are like mine, they’ll seek destinations like Pleasant Lake General Store (near Mile 5) for ice cream, or the Brewster Express (near Mile 8) for ice cream, or Arnolds (near Mile 17 - pictured above) for… you guessed it, ice cream and a chance to stop, enjoy the scenery and refuel.
Thank you, Mass. Department of Conservation and Recreation. The CCRT upgrade is $6.2 million well spent.
For a map of the CCRT, go to: Cape Cod Rail Trail Map.
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Parent Time
A few recent news items have me thinking about parenting. The working- mother blame game was heightened, naturally, by the release of the National Institute on Child Development study on long-term effects of time spent in child care. While the study is nuanced and complex, the short version was blared in headlines as “young children who spend a lot of time in group child care may be more verbal but have a slightly higher likelihood of behavior problems in 5th and 6th grade.” Oh, the guilt.
Never mind that I still credit the YMCA child care center for raising my kids. My children attended the center full-time since they were three months old, and instead of shedding tears when I dropped my babies off, I thought to myself, “Thank God they’re with someone who actually knows what they’re doing.” Now in grades 4 and 7, they are healthy, well-adjusted, thriving young people.
Your mileage may vary.
Then, a newspaper column reflected on the value of parental time with children, and how it has changed over the past 40 years. Ironically, while mothers in the 1960s spent more time with their children than now, they weren’t necessarily focused on them. In those halcyon days of June Cleaver, I recall the freedom of roaming the neighborhood as a child, supervised only by a slightly older sibling or friends, while our mothers were in the kitchen (or so we assumed).
No “play dates.” No lessons and structured activities. Most team sports didn’t start till 5th grade, and even then parents rarely showed up for games. Parental child-focused time has actually increased in the past decade or two.
But can there be too much of a good thing with child-focused time?
A National Public Radio commentator discussed the big event taking place in the homes of 17- and 18-year-olds: the arrival of college admission letters. High school seniors are applying to more schools, with more pressure and demographic competition than ever before. And many of them are facing rejection for the first time in their lives.
In all parents’ best intentions, in our attempts to help our children find the best way in life, we forget that life isn’t always rosy. How will a child cope with not getting accepted into the college of his or her choice if we have fought every battle and structured every experience for them? Perhaps a little less intensive parenting, allowing children to find their own way and discover their resilience when things don’t go as planned, is the best gift we can give our children.
Meanwhile, I’ll watch my 4th grader for signs of behavioral problems in the next year or two.
Never mind that I still credit the YMCA child care center for raising my kids. My children attended the center full-time since they were three months old, and instead of shedding tears when I dropped my babies off, I thought to myself, “Thank God they’re with someone who actually knows what they’re doing.” Now in grades 4 and 7, they are healthy, well-adjusted, thriving young people.
Your mileage may vary.
Then, a newspaper column reflected on the value of parental time with children, and how it has changed over the past 40 years. Ironically, while mothers in the 1960s spent more time with their children than now, they weren’t necessarily focused on them. In those halcyon days of June Cleaver, I recall the freedom of roaming the neighborhood as a child, supervised only by a slightly older sibling or friends, while our mothers were in the kitchen (or so we assumed).
No “play dates.” No lessons and structured activities. Most team sports didn’t start till 5th grade, and even then parents rarely showed up for games. Parental child-focused time has actually increased in the past decade or two.
But can there be too much of a good thing with child-focused time?
A National Public Radio commentator discussed the big event taking place in the homes of 17- and 18-year-olds: the arrival of college admission letters. High school seniors are applying to more schools, with more pressure and demographic competition than ever before. And many of them are facing rejection for the first time in their lives.
In all parents’ best intentions, in our attempts to help our children find the best way in life, we forget that life isn’t always rosy. How will a child cope with not getting accepted into the college of his or her choice if we have fought every battle and structured every experience for them? Perhaps a little less intensive parenting, allowing children to find their own way and discover their resilience when things don’t go as planned, is the best gift we can give our children.
Meanwhile, I’ll watch my 4th grader for signs of behavioral problems in the next year or two.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Greetings from (C)old Cape Cod
It's February vacation, and we're cozily holed up on the Cape. Some people think it's a little odd to be here in "the gray (or brown, depending on locale) season", when there's no easy beachin', no open ice cream stands or clam shacks, and despite the relative lack of snow this season, no decent biking or mini-golf opportunities.Summer is playtime on the Cape, fall is breathtaking, spring is inspiring, and winter - the quiet season - is the time to really get to know it.
Winter is the time to wander leisurely through the stores that are jam-packed with tourists during the summer and find out who the hearty souls are who hang in there even when business is slow. We had a delightful chat the other day with the man who owns Brewster Sweets, a candy store in Lemon Tree Village that offers delicacies from key-lime chocolate truffles to (real!) seasoned larvae. We stuck with the chocolate.
It's the time to try out the hot restaurants without having to wait for a table. Most restaurants, even the tonier one, welcome children during this less hectic time and may offer them special kid-friendly meals even if they don't have a children's menu.
When the temperature hovers above freezing and the wind is calm, it's a great time to explore the shore. You can travel hither and yon without a beach sticker or parking fee. The Mass. Audubon Society's Wellfleet Bay sanctuary and the Cape Cod Museum of Natural History in Brewster have family programs in the winter that are also worth checking out.
Ice skating is an obvious winter activity, and although the ponds aren't always sufficiently frozen for the outdoor variety, the Cape is blessed with what I would wager is the highest skating arena per population ratio in the country. There's a rink in almost every other town, and they have regular public skating times. Sure, the rinks are open year-round, but who thinks of donning leggings and gloves when it's a beautiful beach day?
If you can't live without summer-type fun, there's always the indoor playgrounds such as Bonkerz in Yarmouth and Willy's World in Eastham, or the wave pool available to registered guests at the Cape Codder Resort in Hyannis.
Winter might be the Cape's best-kept secret. And there's almost no traffic.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Becoming Their Own Persons
I have a dirty little secret: My children, now 10 and a half and almost 13, no longer want to go exploring with me. At least not very often. The little darlings who were my inspiration and excuse to discover the trails less traveled are now putting their collective feet down and saying they’d rather stay home and do their own thing, thank you very much.
At this age, Dana and Colin can stay home alone. But it’s surprisingly lonely for us parents to be out and about without sharing their wide-eyed perspective and excitement.
As childhood progresses into adolescence, our parental role shifts from a benign dictatorship to an authoritative democracy. Gone are the days when my husband and I would decide what the family would be doing, strap the kids in the car seats and go. Just like when we were parenting toddlers, we’re learning to pick our battles, saving the “you have to go” commands for the times when it really matters.
We’re also learning to negotiate. And good negotiation means listening to what the other person is saying. Dana likes shopping, especially for clothes, accessories, and books. Colin likes computers, movies and video games. I’m learning to respect their preferences as part of the overall wonderful young people they’re becoming, even if they’re not the same as mine.
So we work on compromising: If they’ll willingly go on a National Seashore hike, we’ll stop at the bookstore or rent a new movie on the way home.
They’re just doing their job, after all. Adolescence is the slow process of becoming not you.
At this age, Dana and Colin can stay home alone. But it’s surprisingly lonely for us parents to be out and about without sharing their wide-eyed perspective and excitement.
As childhood progresses into adolescence, our parental role shifts from a benign dictatorship to an authoritative democracy. Gone are the days when my husband and I would decide what the family would be doing, strap the kids in the car seats and go. Just like when we were parenting toddlers, we’re learning to pick our battles, saving the “you have to go” commands for the times when it really matters.
We’re also learning to negotiate. And good negotiation means listening to what the other person is saying. Dana likes shopping, especially for clothes, accessories, and books. Colin likes computers, movies and video games. I’m learning to respect their preferences as part of the overall wonderful young people they’re becoming, even if they’re not the same as mine.
So we work on compromising: If they’ll willingly go on a National Seashore hike, we’ll stop at the bookstore or rent a new movie on the way home.
They’re just doing their job, after all. Adolescence is the slow process of becoming not you.
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