STUDY: Positive Parenting Associated With Less Aggression in Early-Maturing Teen Girls

Adolescent girls who go through puberty early and have parents who do not nurture them, communicate with them, or have knowledge of their activities appear more likely to display aggressive behavior, according to a report in the August issue of Archives of Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine.
Early puberty in girls is related to conduct problems, delinquency and substance use, according to background information in the article. Many of these problems persist through adolescence and into early adulthood.
“As adults, early-maturing girls demonstrate lower academic and occupational achievement and report lower relationship quality and life satisfaction,” the authors write. “It is thus important to identify protective factors that may mitigate negative effects of early maturation on girls’ adjustment.”
Sylvie Mrug, Ph.D., of the University of Alabama at Birmingham, and colleagues interviewed 330 fifth-grade girls (average age 11) and their parents from three metropolitan areas.
The girls reported how often they engaged in aggressive behavior, such as hitting, teasing and spreading rumors to hurt others; whether they displayed delinquency (fighting at school, getting injured in a fight or inflicting injuries); how often their mother was affectionate and how often they did things together; whether their parents had talked to them about violence, tobacco and sex; and whether and when they had started their periods. Parents responded to seven items measuring the extent to which they knew their child’s friends and how he or she spent her free time.
One-fourth of the girls had matured early, defined as beginning their period one year before the average age for females of their racial and ethnic group. Those who did were more likely to be delinquent, but not aggressive. However, those who matured early and also had low levels of parental nurturance, communication and knowledge were more likely to be aggressive. “Also, early maturation only predicted physical aggression when combined with low maternal nurturance,” the authors write.
Early-maturing girls may be at higher risk of aggression or delinquency because they are more likely to be accepted by and form relationships with older boys, who are more likely than younger children to engage in undesirable behaviors, the authors note.
“Parental nurturance may decrease girls’ susceptibility to negative peer influence,” they write. “Also, parental nurturance may help girls cope with challenges associated with early puberty. By listening to their daughters’ difficulties and providing support and encouragement, nurturing parents can help them develop better coping skills and diffuse negative emotions that might otherwise manifest as aggression.”
Parental communication and knowledge may also protect girls from aggressive behavior, they continue. “By discussing difficult peer situations (e.g., provocation, peer pressure) and ways of dealing with them, parents may help their daughters develop a repertoire of adaptive responses that will minimize the need for inappropriate (i.e., aggressive) behavior,” they write. “In addition, knowing how their daughters spend free time may help parents identify and prevent negative peer and other influences.”
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Elmo & Friends Help Military Families & Young Children Cope With the Challenges of Multiple Deployments and Combat-Related Injuries

Since the launch on April 29, Sesame Street’s Talk, Listen, Connect: Deployments, Homecomings, Changes has had over 120,000 requests for its kit for families.
Military families can request their free kit at www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc.
Sesame Workshop, the non-profit organization behind Sesame Street, launched Talk, Listen, Connect: Deployments, Homecomings, Changes, the second phase of the Workshop’s military outreach program which launched initially in 2006. The initiative provides support and offers significant resources for military families with young children experiencing the effects of deployments, multiple deployments or when a parent returns home changed due to a combat related injury.
The Sesame Foundation developed Talk, Listen, Connect: Deployments, Homecomings, Changes to help military families with young children between the ages of 2-5 build a sense of stability and resiliency during times of separation and change.
Talk, Listen, Connect: Deployments, Homecomings, Changes seeks to:
* Reduce the level of anxiety children may experience during homecomings after multiple deployments
* Help parents with ways to cope with multiple deployments
* Help young children gain an age-appropriate understanding of a parent’s injury by including them and the entire family in the rehabilitation process
* Reassure children that they are loved and secure and that together with their families, they can learn new ways of being there for one another and having hope for the future
“The incredible response and impact Sesame Workshop saw from our initial work with military families and the impact it made, inspired this next phase of Talk, Listen, Connect,” said Gary E. Knell, President and CEO, Sesame Workshop. “With an increasing number of military parents experiencing multiple deployments and a parent coming home injured, more than ever, these families need help navigating the ups-and-downs of these experiences with their children as well as ways to support one another and find resiliency in the face of change. We hope with the help of their friends from Sesame Street they will continue to discover ways they can continue to forge family bonds despite the situations they may encounter.”
According to the Director of the Defense Center of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury U.S., Army Colonel Loree K. Sutton, “This wonderful project by Sesame Workshop demonstrates its long-standing efforts to provide positive development in our children. The Talk, Listen, Connect series is a solid, practical and entertaining learning tool for our military families and will contribute greatly toward psychological health for our troops and their families. What a privilege to work in collaboration with these educational projects that serve those who are serving us.”

The resources consist of a bilingual (English/Spanish) multimedia outreach kit with DVDs for children and adults starring the Muppets from Sesame Street, print materials for children, parents and caregivers and facilitators and American Greeting postcards featuring the beloved Sesame Street characters for parents and children to stay connected. Sesame Workshop will produce and distribute 500,000 kits at no cost to individual families, schools, child care programs, family support programs, hospitals and rehabilitation centers and other organizations serving the needs of military families with the help of Military OneSource, the New York State Office of Mental Health (NYSOMH), the USO (United Service Organizations), the Military Child Education Coalition (MCEC) and other partners. Special emphasis will be made to reach families of the Reserves and National Guard. The kit materials are available online at www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc, where streaming video is being provided by the Department of Defense Military Community and Family Policy Program Support Group, so families everywhere can view the videos and download the information.

About Sesame Workshop: Sesame Workshop is the nonprofit educational organization that changed television forever with the legendary Sesame Street. As the single largest informal educator of young children, local Sesame Street programs produced in countries as diverse as South Africa, Bangladesh and India are making a difference in over 120 nations. Using proprietary research to create engaging and enriching content, Sesame Workshop produces programs such as Dragon Tales and Pinky Dinky Doo. In addition, multimedia needs-driven initiatives provide families tools for addressing such issues as children’s health, military deployment and emergency preparedness. As a nonprofit, product proceeds and philanthropic donations support Sesame Workshop’s educational research and creative content for children around the world. Learn more at www.sesameworkshop.org
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Parenting Traumatized Children Conference & Retreat June 26-28th

The Attachment & Trauma Network will host a conference June 26-28 on Parenting Traumatized Children.
The Conference and Retreat will be held at the Franciscan Center in Andover. It is a uniquely peaceful location for parents and professionals to meet and rejuvenate as we learn more about traumatized children. New for this year's conference: "Feelin' Good Friday" - an entire afternoon of sessions on ways to nurture and rejuvenate yourself!
Organizers say it is the "most parent-friendly conference yet, with lodging and meal options within the registration fee."
The conference registration is $425. It is an all-inclusive price (three meals per day from Wednesday evening to Saturday noon.)
For more information call 240-446-9657 or e-mail lorraine@radzebra.org
The Web site for the event is http://www.radzebra.org/
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Today's PTA is Not Your Mother's...For the First-Time A Dad is the CEO!

Here's news that today's Parent Teacher Association is not your mother's PTA.

In a press release, embargoed until today, it states... "PTA EMBRACES CHANGING ROLE OF PARENTS; NAMES FIRST-EVER MALE, AFRICAN-AMERICAN CEO."


The press release continues: "Times are a-changing, as is the stereotype of the typical PTA mom. At the 112th Annual PTA National Convention & Exhibition taking place June 20-23rd in San Diego, PTA further reveals its commitment to change.
The addition of Byron V. Garrett to the national organization shows a clear sign of the times that parent involvement is changing. As PTA’s first male, African-American CEO, Mr. Garrett will begin a new chapter in the organization’s rich legacy of engaging parents, schools, legislators, and community leaders in improving children’s health, safety, and educational success.
Mr. Garrett brings a unique perspective, as well as new ideas, partners, and resources to assist with the challenges of today’s families and school communities. "
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Teaching Your Child Self-Reliance

This month (May issue) Parenting 1-2-3 columnist Dr. Robyn Silverman launches the first in an ongoing series of articles in Bay State Parent magazine on teaching your child self-reliance. (Coming in July: Teaching Your Child How to Pack His Own Bag/Suitcase for a Summer Vacation.)

By Dr. Robyn Silverman
"I hate to see her struggle like that."
"I'll just do it for him this one time."
"We're in a rush so…"
It's just one of those things, isn't it?
We all do it every once in a while. Maybe it's because it's easier, faster, or better if we do it for them. A little more time. A little less frustration. Maybe it's just because we love them so much. So sometimes, we make their beds, tie their shoes, pack their bags, prepare their lunches, wipe their faces, and do their chores for them, even when we know that they can do it by themselves.
But our choices can backfire. They can make children overly dependant on others and rob them of the opportunities to challenge themselves and build self confidence in their own abilities.
With the term "helicopter parents" (used to describe overprotective parents who hover too closely and help too readily whether their children need their assistance or not) infused into everyday vernacular, Moms and Dads are trying to stay clear of the label.
It can be challenging for parents to know when to let their child fly solo and when (and if) they should assist or take over.
In our hearts, we know that it's developmentally fitting for children to become more self reliant as they age.
The most powerful parents aim to strike a balance between allowing their children to do tasks on their own and helping them when they really need it. This balance allows their children to thrive because they feel more confident in themselves while still feeling supported and properly mentored.
When it comes time to teach self reliance to children, Dr. Robyn has 10 tips. To read them, pick up a copy of the May issue or read her column at Bay State Parent magazine's Web site at http://www.baystateparent.com/news/2008/0501/articles/028.html
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Massachusetts is One of The Best States for Children

Massachusetts is the second best state in the nation for U.S. children, based on a diverse set of 10 child well-being standards, including lack of access to prenatal care, premature deaths, malnutrition, poverty, child abuse and teen incarceration, according to a major new report released by the non-profit and non-partisan Every Child Matters Education Fund.
In revealing a nation that is starkly divided with what are often "deadly differences" in how it treats its youths, the report shows "geography matters" greatly when it comes to the ability of U.S. children to be healthy and survive to adulthood.
For example, children in the bottom of all the states are three times more likely to die before the age of 14; five times more likely to be uninsured; and eight times more likely to be incarcerated as teens.
The states with the best performance for children are (in order) Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Rhode Island, New Hampshire, Hawaii, Iowa, Minnesota, Washington, & Maine.
In fact, all 6 New England states made the top 10, making it the best region in America for children.
In Massachusetts. there are 1,458,036 children under age 18.
According to the Fund's report, here is the Bay State's ranking in the categories:

Deaths of infants per 1,000 live births -- #4
Deaths per 100,000 Children Aged 1-14 -- #2
Deaths per 100,000 Teens Aged 15-19 -- #4
Births to Teen Mothers (15-19) per 1,000 Teen Girls -- #3
Births to Women Receiving Late or No Prenatal Care --#6
Children Living in Poverty --#5
Uninsured Children - #11
Juvenile Incarceration Rate (per 100,000) -- #12
Child Abuse Fatalities per 100,000 Children -- #6
Per Capita Child Welfare Expenditures -- #7
Child Vulnerability Index -- #2


To read the entire report, visit: http://www.everychildmatters.org/homelandinsecurity/index_geomatters.html

The Every Child Matters Education Fund (ECMEF) is a 501(c)(3) organization focused on making the needs of children and youth a national political priority and promoting the adoption of smart policies for children, youth, and families-including stopping child abuse, helping working families with child care, expanding pre-school education and after-school programs, and ensuring that children receive good health care.

April 17 Workshop: My Child is Different

Children’s Museum in Easton is hosting a workshop on Thursday night, April 17 -- Parenting 101: My Child is Different. Join licensed marriage and family therapist Natasha Edelhaus on April 17 as she leads a parenting workshop, My Child is Different. This workshop is for parents who want suggestions for children with unique needs including but not limited to: learning needs, medical needs, and strong temperaments. Come to the workshop and learn useful tips for everyday situations at home, on play dates and for helping your child feel accepted.

The workshop will be held at the Children’s Museum in Easton from 6:30 to 8 p.m.

Registration is $5. Pre-register by calling 508-230--3789; space is limited.


The Children's Museum in Easton is located in the Old Fire Station on Sullivan Avenue in North Easton Village. Admission is $6 per person; members and children under 1 are free. For more information visit www.childrensmuseumineaston.org

Support Group: Are You Raising a Child With a Challenging Emotional or Behavioral Issue?

The G.B. Wells Center is introducing a new support group for caregivers (parents, grandparents, foster parents, guardians) raising a child with emotional, behavioral or mental health issues. Meetings are free. Meetinsg are planned for Tuesdays from 7 to 8 p.m. in room 107 at the 29 Pine St site in Southbridge.
All parents, grandparents, foster parents, other relatives, guardians and caregivers are welcome.
The group provides:
* An opportunity to talk about frustrations and successes
* A group to help “trouble shoot” challenges
* A clinician to help with facilitation and answer questions
* Light refreshments
* Occasional guest speakers to discuss topics of interest
* If parents have specific questions or topics these can be explored.

For more information contact Elizabeth Swenson or the GB Wells Center at 508-765-9167

The Middle School Mystery

Listen up, mommies and daddies! For years you’ve been perfecting this parenting thing, getting in the groove with cool stuff to do to entertain and hopefully enlighten your offspring. You’ve scoured the magazines and events calendars for ways to occupy their idle time, but not too much because of course you know that idle time is important to their developing creativity and self-sufficiency. You finally feel confident in your role as a wise and nurturing parent.

And then, Ka-Blam! Suddenly they’re adolescents and the rules change. On the positive side, you don’t have to go to any more Disney movies. But on the down side… well, what do you do when they’re too old for the children’s museum and too young to get a job? The middle school mystery has been looming ever larger in our family this year, particularly over school vacations. An eighth-grader and a fifth-grader just don’t want to do kids activities any more – especially the eighth-grader.

Early adolescence is a conundrum, perhaps best summed up in the title of Anthony Wolf’s classic guide to parenting teens, “Get Out of my Life, but First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall?” Community recreation departments and cultural organizations have largely ceded this age group to the schools. But not every child wants to or has the opportunity to be in a club or on a team. Middle schoolers crave their peers’ companionship, but it’s hard to find space for them to connect with each other while still being connected, even if less intensely, with the adults in their lives.

So it’s time to sit back and enjoy exploring this new territory. The middle school years are a wonderful time to watch your children develop as individuals. Sometimes that means just letting them figure out for themselves what to do with their free time.

You still have several years before your kids give you the pink slip as parent-in-chief. But your job will change, and it might not be a bad time to start adapting your repertoire. Time to start taking the kids to PG-13 movies that you want to see; to invite kids into your activities and interests; to reclaim a bit of your own life! They might not want to come along, but that’s OK too: You don’t need to get a sitter anymore.

Who am I, if not your mother?

We've all been there...

Everything is going fine. You've managed to bundle your toddler into his fifteen layers of winter clothing, strapped him into the car seat without pinching his fingers, made it through half of your shopping list by bribing him with goldfish crackers, and managed to keep both shoes on his feet.

But somewhere around the middle of the store, the goldfish crackers run out, the shoe falls off, and your overheated toddler begins to beg for freedom. As the pitch of his scream escalates, you realize people are staring -- whispering. Rather than risk being reported for child abuse or having to explain how your son managed to shatter all the glass display cabinets with only his voice, you release him from the carriage and let him walk beside you. Then you see the shoes...

Ah, yes. Those beautiful shoes. They're on sale. They have your size. What harm could it do to try them on? You slip the strappy sandals over your grey tube socks with holes in the toes, and take a few tentative steps. You turn to show your child, and.... he's gone.

For the next several moments, before you find him lurking in the racks merrily trying bras and panties on his head, you experience an out-of-body moment in which all time stands still, terror becomes you, and the world fades to grey.

This was the moment that gave birth to my debut novel, Strawberries in Winter. My child was lost, and in that brief eternity, a voice inside my head wondered, "If I lost you, who would I be?"

Strawberries in Winter explores the complexity of motherhood in modern times. It raises questions about the power of forgiveness, the depth of maternal love, and the need for identity.

Kyra Adams is fading into the footnotes of other people's lives, and only one man can set her free. But his secrets may ultimately destroy all that she loves. Will she have the courage to face the truth? Or are some secrets better left untold?

Uncover the mysteries of Strawberries in Winter...

See the video. Read the book. And let me know what you think!
(Paperback available in November 2008)
p.s. Visit my website for an opportunity to win a free Mobi E-reader! (Contest starts 2/1/08)

Seminar: Children Cope With Divorce

Jewish Family Service will present the seminar, “Children Cope with Divorce,” Monday, Oct. 15 and Tuesday, Oct. 16 from 5:30 to 8:30 p.m. at Jewish Family Service, 646 Salisbury Street, Worcester. Admission fee is $65.
It is recommended, evening seminar attendees arrive at 5:15 p.m. due to limited parking.

The program, which has been approved by the Probate and Family Courts of Massachusetts, is designed to help parents help their children deal with the trauma, pain, and turmoil of divorce. It shows parents what their children are feeling, what is happening to them, and gives parents ideas about things they can do to help. The workshops will be led by members of the Family Therapy Team: Amy Colangelo, LICSW, Kathy Kaiser, LICSW, Beth Greenberg, Ph.D., Stephen Slaten, Ph.D. and David Hollis, LICSW.
Participants receive a Certificate of Completion at the end of the second date attended.

Registration is limited to 30 and preregistration is required. To pre-register, call Jewish Family Service at 508-755-3101

Sesame Street to Cultivate Generation of Globally-Responsible Children

Sesame Workshop and Merrill Lynch Partner to Create Multi-lingual Worldwide Interactive Initiative Targeting Children Ages 4-7
Elmo, Big Bird and Oscar are world-renowned, but it’s their new counterparts, “Azibo,” “Athena,” and “Baabra” who are the focus of a new worldwide initiative. Children today live in an increasingly interconnected world full of opportunities and challenges that require them to develop new skills and perspectives. To meet this need, Sesame Workshop, the non-profit educational organization behind Sesame Street, and the Merrill Lynch Foundation have created Panwapa, a Worldwide Kids initiative launching today. NYC Mayor Bloomberg officially proclaimed October 10 as “Panwapa Day."

Panwapa, which means “here on this earth” in the Tshiluba language, aims to foster the foundation for global citizenship and community participation in young children, ages 4 to 7. Featuring an entirely new group of Muppet characters, Panwapa consists of an interactive website, http://www.panwapa.com/, a DVD, and print materials that are available in five languages to children around the world—Arabic, English, Japanese, Mandarin and Spanish.

Beginning today, Panwapa will be available at no charge on iTunes (http://www.itunes.com/) and starting January 2008 Panwapa will be available on free video-on-demand (VOD), via PBS KIDS Sprout, the first and only 24-hour preschool network for kids ages 2-5 and their parents and caregivers. Additionally, Panwapa games and information will be available at http://www.sproutonline.com/. Both media platforms support Sesame Workshop’s and Merrill Lynch’s outreach efforts in reaching as many children as possible.
The Web site, file:///C:/Documents%20and%20Settings/pschmier/Local%20Settings/pschmier/Local%20Settings/Temp/XPgrpwise/panwapa/www.panwapa.com, is the center of the initiative. The experience begins on “Panwapa Island,” a floating island that travels the oceans of the world, where children and their caregivers will enter the virtual Panwapa community and meet newly created Muppet characters such as “Athena the Owl” and “Azibo the Monster.” Children will be able to safely travel around the world and visit with Panwapa kids from other countries, watch interactive movies, learn words in other languages, and collect Panwapa Cards by going on international treasure hunts.
In addition, 200,000 Panwapa educational kits will be distributed to caregivers in the United States, United Kingdom, Japan, China, Hong Kong, Jordan and Mexico to encourage long-term exploration of the issues of global citizenship. The kit includes a DVD, a caregiver magazine with an activity section for children, a board game that reinforces the lessons, and a map of the world to support and complement the Panwapa experience. Local launches in the participating countries will follow the United States launch.
A team of international cultural experts, early childhood researchers, educators and media specialists from nine countries and organizations such as Oxfam, UNICEF, and the World Bank first developed the idea for Panwapa in 2005. Multi-national teams from Merrill Lynch and Sesame Workshop worked with the advisors to create content for the program, focusing on messages of global citizenship for young children.
The international advisory board, led by Dr. Charlotte Frances Cole, Vice President for Education and Research at Sesame Workshop,, developed five broad educational goals for the project:
Awareness of the Wider World: An understanding of the linkages between local neighborhoods and communities and national and global issues.
Appreciating Similarities and Differences: An understanding of and respect for similarities and differences among the people of the world and the interconnectedness of the world’s systems.
Taking Responsibility for One’s Behaviors: An awareness of one’s actions and one’s impact on others, the willingness and desire to take responsibility for one’s actions, and an effort to seek ways to make the world a better place.
Community Participation and Willingness to Take Action: A desire to participate in and contribute to one’s community locally and globally, as well as a willingness to take action around persistent issues and work through them to effect meaningful civic improvement.
Understanding of and Responsiveness to Economic Disparity: An understanding that all people share certain basic needs and disparities in resources affect individuals’ abilities to fulfill these needs -- and a desire to address these disparities.
“21st century children live in the global village from the moment they are born. The sooner they learn to think of this as a wonderful, fun adventure, the better global citizens they will grow into,” stated David Woollcombe, Founder and President, Peace Child International and Panwapa Advisor.

“I am delighted that Sesame Workshop has taken upon itself the task of introducing its young audiences to their global neighborhood: their experience and creativity equips them better than any other organization to ensure that young people all over the world come to view the global neighborhood as a cornucopia of opportunities.”

About Sesame Workshop: Sesame Workshop is the non-profit educational organization that changed television forever with the legendary Sesame Street. As the single largest informal educator of young children, local Sesame Street programs produced in countries as diverse as South Africa, Bangladesh and India are making a difference in over 120 nations. Using proprietary research to create engaging and enriching content, Sesame Workshop produces programs such as Dragon Tales and Pinky Dinky Doo. In addition, multimedia needs-driven initiatives provide families tools for addressing such issues as children’s health, military deployment and emergency preparedness. As a nonprofit, product proceeds and philanthropic donations support Sesame Workshop’s educational research and creative content for children around the world. Learn more at www.sesameworkshop.org.

Mind Your eManners

Don’t put anything in writing that you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the Boston Globe, a former colleague of mine once advised. The lesson of “think before you send” is even more important for tweens and teens, now that a large portion of their social communication happens over the Internet.

My 13-year-old daughter and her friends learned that lesson the hard way. Instant messaging, or IM’ing as it's called, was the vehicle by which one girl’s feelings were badly hurt by another who sent an unintentionally harsh message. While the words in the message may have been honest, it was removed from the context, tone of voice and body language that are vital to meaningful communication. How we interact is more than just the facts, ma’am.

Back in the day, it was the occasional typewritten memo unintended for general distribution that got people in hot water. Or the recorded voice mail message that was inadvertently sent to the whole company instead of just the intended recipient.

Now, people can type (or text) and send their message to a recipient – or the world – faster than their better judgment can catch up with them. And once words are on the Internet, they take on a life of their own, which may be permanent. Corporate recruiters and admissions officers routinely peruse an applicant’s cyber life; and those party scenes and banter with friends might be a lot less hilarious to potential employers than to other students.

As parents, we worry about keeping our kids safe from online predators. But we need to emphasize an equally important fact of living in a wired world: Don’t say anything online that you wouldn’t say in person – or that you wouldn’t want to see on the front page of the Boston Globe.

Coming out...

After so many years of reading about the limiting effects of TV time, the ludicrous infestation of reality TV, and the decline of quality family time, I was hesitant to confess my secret addiction. But today I'm coming out.

I, Kerri Augusto, am a reality TV junkie. And I'm proud of it.

This summer, my addiction has been contagious and my entire family has become hooked on Fox's "So You Think You Can Dance". The benefits of family TV time have not been limited to boisterous cheers and silly bets (though there's lots of that). My children have become acquainted with many different forms of dance: they can recognize a tango, a waltz and a disco routine. They have learned to appreciate a variety of music and have downloaded everything from classical to jazz to hip-hop (clean versions!) on their MP3 players. But most importantly, they have come together.

Last week I watched my son take his sister in his arms and try to waltz across the living room. She was all smiles. This afternoon, they "choreographed" a dance to one of the HS Musical songs. They played nicely for over an hour -- a record for two children who generally can't stand each other for more than ten minutes. Watching my children dance, though not at all graceful, is exquisitely beautiful. And I have reality TV to thank for the experience.

Study: More Moms Want Part-Time Work Schedule

I was reading USA Today this morning and this article caught my eye....

Just when you thought the mommy wars were over, a new study shows the divide has grown over the past decade between employed and stay-at-home mothers.
But the study, released Thursday, also finds one area where both groups concur: Working full time is less appealing than it used to be.
The research, conducted by telephone this past spring by the Pew Research Center, compares the responses of 414 mothers of children under 18 with 457 mothers in 1997 who responded to a similar Pew survey.
Among working mothers, 60% now say part-time work is the ideal situation, compared with 48% in 1997.
Among at-home moms, 48% say staying home is ideal, up from 39% in 1997.
Bureau of Labor Statistics data for 2006, released in May, show only 24% of working moms work part time.
Pew surveyed a total of 2,020 men and women in 2007 about the societal impact of increasing numbers of mothers of young children working: 41% thought it was a bad thing, 32% said it made no difference, and 22% said it was a good thing.
Ten years ago, 38% of at-home moms and 39% of working moms said it was a bad trend. Now, 44% of at-home mothers believe it's bad, while working mothers who believe it's a good trend jumped from 19% in 1997 to 34% today. But 34% of working mothers still believe it's bad.

To read the complete article go to USA Today at:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2007-07-12-mommy-wars_N.htm


Here at Bay State Parent magazine, we'd love to hear your thoughts on having a career and being a mom. Please post your comments here or e-mail me directly at editor@baystateparent.com

A day at the beach....

This morning, my two-year-old son and I headed to Plum Island for a couple of hours of batting away greenheads and wrestling the strong undertow.

Knowing my son's affinity for other kids' toys, I packed an ample supply. Buckets, shovels, sand molds, a sand-sifter, dump truck and a wagon in which to pull all aforementioned toys around. Apparently that was not enough. Because after the first hour, he spotted the very intriguing and brightly-colored beach toys of the family parked a few yards from us and made a bee-line, wagon in tow, right for them.

When he got to the blanket, one of the little girls, about six years old, was sitting in the sand, fresh from a dip in the icy-cold water, her toys sprawled out around her. My son headed for a red bucket. I told him "No, no buddy, those aren't your toys," a frequent flyer in the phrase repertoire and one that I think I say sometimes in my sleep. (In my experience, MOST parents don't mind if another child happens on their kids' toys and has a brief go-around with them. But I have run across some that are downright nasty about the whole situation.) I tried, balancing my comments delicately between showing respect for other people's things and allowing my son to mingle and therefore confiscate toys that don't belong to him, to direct his attention toward the myriad of toys scattered in a circle around our own blanket.

This particular little girl, perhaps sensing my son's innate tendency towards any type of vehicle, thrusts forth a little sand-mold in the shape of a tractor. "He can have this," she says, looking at her mother then up at the two of us, we beggars of other people's toys.

My son excitedly accepts this great gift, and a smile wider than almost any other I've seen spreads across his face, and he starts to make off with his new plaything. I catch him and haul him over back towards the little girl, who has already commenced her own castle-building, and instruct him to say, "Thank you." And still not certain I have stumbled upon agreeable or nasty parents, I suggest that we could perhaps borrow the toy, and then return it before we pack up for home.

"He can have it," the little girl insists.

"That's really nice," I tell her, not because I am being patronizing, but because I do, in fact, think this is an incredibly nice and mature gesture for a six-year-old, who on any other day might gather up every toy in her arms and scowl at us.

Several times I instruct my son to say Thank You, another sometimes embarrassing, albeit necessary, routine. He finally does, runs right up to her and says a little too closely into her face, in his developing toddler voice, "Thank you for tractor."

He proudly tosses it in his wagon, and we are off with a wave.

A wonderful morning at the beach, especially considering that the greenheads hadn't yet arrived.

The Landscape of the Playground

The Landscape of the Playground

Sadness in my heart…profound

Ripping, tearing, sinking, deepening

As my sweet, angelic toddler

Sits alone

Sits alone…content

Preoccupied with crushed stone

Examining, scrutinizing

Sorting and counting

Sorting and counting…stones

Her back to the others

Peers, frolicking and laughing

On jungle gyms and slides

On jungle gyms and slides…together

Save one

Each enjoying

The landscape of the playground.

Talk to Your Children About NOT Smoking!

Summertime is upon us. School is out and children are excited to get outdoors and enjoy time with their friends. With more free time comes more opportunities to be unsupervised, but with these freedoms come risks of which all parents should be aware.
Many children this summer will be approached with the opportunity to try their first cigarette. While it is unrealistic for parents to supervise their children every moment of every day this summer, your values and beliefs should be known and understood. That is why now is an ideal time for parents to talk to their children about how they feel about smoking and other negative behaviors.
Dr. Michael Popkin, author, parenting expert, and spokesman for Talk Early, Talk Often, Lorillard Tobacco Company's Youth Smoking Prevention Program, says children are trying their first cigarette as early as age 8, with the majority trying it between the ages of 12 to 14.
Most of these children are approached by a friend who they consider to be “cool” and therefore has influence on their decisions. Popkin recommends establishing clear guidelines for your child’s behavior.
“Taking the time to sit with your child and agree on clear guidelines for behavior can pay off greatly when your child has to make a choice about whether or not to try smoking,” says Popkin. “I use the term ‘problem-prevention talk’ which is a dialog between you and your child that makes your expectations of him or her very clear.”

The problem-prevention talk consists of five steps:
1. Identify potential problems and risks.
2. Share your thoughts and feelings about these problems and acknowledge your child’s thoughts and feelings.
3. Generate guidelines through brainstorming and negotiations (within limits that you can live with).
4. Decide on logical consequences for violating the guidelines (if necessary).
5. Follow up to ensure that guidelines were followed and to enforce consequences (if necessary).

Creating a written contract between you and your child that clearly lists your expectations and the logical consequences that you will apply if these expectations are not met is another suggestion made by Popkin. “Written contracts ensure there is no miscommunication about your child’s decision not to smoke,” says Popkin.
Dr. Popkin is one of the nation’s foremost experts on parenting education. His work with
Lorillard Tobacco’s Talk Early, Talk Often initiative is part of his 25 years of experience helping families communicate about tough topics like smoking. He is also founder of Active Parenting Publishers, and author of many award-winning parenting education videos and books, including the recently published Taming the Spirited Child.
Parents are encouraged to visit http://www.keepkidsfromsmoking.com/ to prepare them for their conversations with their children. On this Web site parents will find talking tips, warning signs, age-specific advice, further parenting advice from Dr. Popkin and more. A free, practical how-to guide may also be downloaded at the Web site.

Is It Autism?

The following is a glimpse back in time, written when our family was just starting our journey into Autism --- April 2005.

Is it Autism?

“We can’t diagnose,” is the answer to the question it has taken me days, weeks, months to build up the courage to ask. The question is perhaps the most important one I have uttered in my 42 years. Certainly, it is the most important question I’ve posed in reference to one of my three children. The response to this life-altering, possibly life-shattering question is a non-answer.

Prior to the meeting, I had braced myself for what I might hear. There is so much truth in the saying about not asking a question if you are unprepared to hear the true answer. I knew that a “yes” would have indeed made me crumble within, and that a “no” would have brought with it profound relief. But, the unexpected, the non-answer, was not anything for which I was prepared, and it left me numb and afraid, alone and confused.

In no way do I intend or wish to place blame upon these Early Intervention professionals for being truthful about their inability to answer my question. They have been wonderful to my child and to me, and I understand that legally, no one who works with children can officially diagnose autism without a medical degree in hand. So when I (and I assume many other concerned parents) approach them with, “Is it Autism?” they must answer the non-answer required of them, and then help us and our children in the best way they can.

However, as the mother of a beautiful, sweet, loving two-year-old girl with white-blond hair and sparkling blue eyes, who is at the least language delayed, and perhaps communication and socially delayed, or possibly worse, I’m actually looking more for their opinions, and yes, maybe their reassurance, after eight months of observing and working with my daughter, than an actual medical diagnosis.

“What do you think?” is what I’m searching for, struggling with the fact that they can’t, even if they want to, tell me their opinions, beliefs or thoughts specific to this disorder, this possible life sentence, as it pertains to my child, my little girl. I assume, though do not know for certain, that the state or whoever mandates what can and cannot be said to parents, must fear lawsuits if employees make certain inaccurate or misconstrued utterances.

Our Concern

Thinking back, I believe that I was somewhat concerned about our daughter’s development when she was about a year old. Becky was always quieter than my other two children had been. She was somewhat listless, and content to play alone with her nesting or stacking cups. She took several months to really begin to walk “smoothly,” without appearing to be slightly off-balance. People would even comment about the “cute” way she had of toddling, months after she had taken her first steps.

Although a happy, smiling child who laughed a lot, she did not interact with people the way we expected. She didn’t respond when her name was called, though she’d react to other sounds, so we did not believe that she had a hearing problem. She did not pay attention to things that you might expect a toddler to notice like our two cats that were always around her. She ambled around them as if they were not there, whereas we were always used to cats running for the hills in fear of their very lives when approached by other children. The felines knew they had nothing to fear from Becky.

Current Services

Currently, Becky receives two home visits a week from Early Intervention providers, and she attends a morning playgroup once a week through the same program. She qualified for these services over six months ago, after I expressed concern to her pediatrician that she was not speaking or communicating in quite the way I expected she would. At eighteen months old, she regressed in her babbling and interactions from what she had been doing at one year. We no longer heard “da da” or “ba ba,” she stopped responding to her name, and games of peek-a-boo were a thing of the past.

Our pediatrician encouraged us to call the local Early Intervention Program to have Becky evaluated. Three professionals promptly visited our home, observed Becky at play in her familiar surroundings, quickly determining that she did indeed have a developmental delay. They welcomed us into their program which works with children, as deemed necessary, up to their third birthday.

We are extremely pleased with her progress thus far. Besides being delightful and funny, Becky is better able to interact with others, attend to partner or group play for a longer period of time, approximate a few words, sing along with songs, and use limited sign language.

Early Intervention Professionals work with Becky in our home environment so the she is comfortable, at ease, and, therefore willing to interact and learn. She has a lot of fun during their visits and learns through play. The visits are valuable to me, also, because, as an observer or participant, I learn ways to help my child. These Occupational and Speech Therapists have a wealth of knowledge and are available to answer questions and give advice.

The Waiting Game

At the suggestion of the Occupational Therapist, we made an appointment several months ago with a local Infant/Toddler Clinic to have Becky’s overall health evaluated. These doctors are the appropriate professionals for diagnosing Autism in very young children. But, since her appointment with this clinic is still four months away (there is a very long wait to get an appointment here) her third birthday will be just around the corner.

At three years old, the current services to which Becky would be entitled transfer from state mandate to that of our home town. If she does indeed have Autism or Pervasive Development Disorder (PDD), valuable time and services will be lost by waiting these next few months.

After the frightening non-answers to my questions about Autism, I was informed about some other evaluation options available to us. A study of very young children with Autism and its effects on their families is being conducted at Boston University. After briefly researching this Child and Family Project and contacting the sponsors, my husband and I have decided to take part. Within the next month, we’ll be interviewed at our home and fill out extensive written questionnaires pertaining to Becky’s overall development and her abilities up to this point. Becky will be observed and videotaped at play during a child visit to the university.

After we’ve completed these three aspects of the study (the parent interview, the questionnaires, and the child visit), the sponsors will evaluate the data and provide us with a preliminary diagnosis. If she is found to have Autism, we will participate in the study for the next four years to help researchers gather enough data to draw conclusions about the effect of Autism on families.

The purpose of seeking a diagnosis for Becky is two-fold. For the researchers, a diagnosis means another child for their study, of which they currently have 75, with the intention of including 300. The more children studied, the more accurate the data and conclusions, and hopefully, more knowledge and understanding of this, as yet mysterious, disorder.

For our family, a diagnosis entitles Becky to a much wider array of services to help her learn to communicate well. As I watch my bright, funny, sweet toddler at play, I know that I will do for her whatever is necessary so that she may have a happy, meaningful, successful life. The service programs through EI are intended to help children under three year’s old work toward their potential at a much earlier stage in life than most children with Autism have in the past.

This more intense “earlier intervention” is seen as a huge step in assisting young children with Autism. As I understand it, the professionals believe that early, high-quality, individualized education greatly increases a child’s chance of making significant progress toward a higher life potential.

What to Wish For

In most situations, as a parent, I would wish for the answer regarding any type of diagnosis for my child to be negative. In this case, however, I don’t actually know what to wish for. If Becky is found to be on the Autism Spectrum, I will have hope that her communication skills will improve through professional intervention, parent education programs, and lots of time and hard work (and play).

If, however, the professionals determine that she is not in these categories, we are left with the question, “What is wrong and how do we go about helping her?”

In addition, although no one has yet given a definitive diagnosis or opinion as to the cause of Becky’s delay, it is apparent to me, through what I have read, observed, been told, and been advised to do, that Autism is a strong probability. And, since the people I have come to trust, who work daily with children who are on the Autism Spectrum, appear quietly concerned about my daughter, I will continue researching and asking questions until the answers start to make sense.

This is a test

My son wakes up from his nap, crying.

I go into his room, and discover it's real crying, not the I-heard-kids-outside-playing-and-now-I-want-to-get-up-and-play-too crying, but real tears, and real anxiety.

"Joe* hit you," he says and reaches out for a hug.

He doesn't quite understand the concept of "I" yet. So, no, Joe hasn't, in fact, hit me. Joe is a 2-year-old boy in our playgroup that has, though, been hitting and pushing my son on a rather consistent basis.

My first test of confronting someone else's parenting - and I have failed miserably.

Now, Joe is two. I know this. And I also know that 2-year-old's experiment with expressing their emotions and pushing buttons and all of that. In fact, this very afternoon I have experienced it with my own son when, out to lunch at a regular hangout of ours, he knocked over their ALPHABETIZED box of frequent-buyer cards on the counter THEN swiped his entire lunch onto the floor.

The hitting isn't what necessarily bothers me. (Well, it does. But I get it.) What really gets me though is that Joe's mom, at the end of the playgroup, when everyone is leaving, smothers her son with compliments. "Joe, you did a really good job sharing today." Or "Joe, you were so good today."

Is she kidding me?

(In all fairness, she does tell him "No" when he's in the middle of handing my son a smackdown. However, his "scolding" is accompanied by snuggles and hugs and a drink of milk.)

The first time it happened, the mother approached me outside of playgroup and apologized for her son's actions. She told me that she didn't really believe in punishing her son though, because she didn't want him to associate socializing with a negative experience. I didn't really know how to react to that. So, all I said was, "Okay."

When it happened this last time, what I should have done was say something, albeit tactfully, right then and there. "You know, Kate*, Joe is being a bit aggressive. Maybe he needs to sit out for a bit."

See how easy that would have been?

But in the playgroup dynamic, it's really not. Parents, especially mothers, are not down with criticizing OPP - Other People's Parenting. A form of pint-sized political correctness, if you will. And I, apparently, am the biggest wimp of all.

My husband says he doesn't understand women. If it were him, "You bet your [you-know-what] I would have said something," he says.

And when I sit and think about it, I get just a little bit angrier each time. I should have said something, but instead, I have considered dropping out of the whole darn thing and avoiding any hint of confrontation or controversy. It's summer anyway, and there's the beach, and the boardwalk, and parks and playgrounds to tackle.

But, should I drop out?

Being a mostly stay-at-home mom, I, as well as my son, crave the social interaction playgroup provides. And, for the most part, the kids get along just fine. And, for the most part, so do the moms.

In the end, I guess I know what I have to do. I just wonder if I am man enough to do it.

*Names have been changed to protect the offender and his family.